Hi Everyone-
Thank you for coming to my site. It has been a rough month or so. I have competed twice, gotten a lot of frequent flyer miles, and gotten a little more crazy.
Once I got settled in Delaware it was time to begin working the new programs to be prepared for the first Pro-Am in St. Paul. Before leaving Simsbury I felt like my new programs couldn't be any more difficult, or interesting. I thought wrong. I sent out a few videos of my programs to some judges and callers, and a judge came to check the progress of my training for the federation. I was told that my step sequences and spins weren't up to code and that they all needed to be changed. In Priscilla's and my quest for upgraded steps and spins, my jumps sat on the back burner and lost momentum, and so did the choreography of both programs. I suffered a lot to make my programs difficult, and it was very hard in my mind to change what Tatiana Anatolievna and I had worked so hard to achieve. The choreography of the program suffered; it became very bland because there was no time for anything with the elongated step sequences and spins. I also had to get rid of some new spin positions because they "weren't difficult" enough. Just for the record, one of my spins was a back sit spin, completely extended over my leg, holding my turned out foot with both arms, and completely turning my body towards the inside and pulling body through my arms. Not difficult my ass. Now, no matter what I try to do, I'll end up looking like every other skater in the World. I was very unhappy with the new system and my skating at that time, and I'm still bitter. My spins and steps were finally okayed by the middle of September and I still had a couple weeks to prepare for Saint Paul.
Around the same time I completed my upgrades, I found out that I HAD to go to Japan for three days for a Pro-Am in Tokyo. I had one and a half weeks to prepare. Needless to say, I was terrible. I arrived in Tokyo on a Thursday night, competed on Saturday and flew out Sunday morning. For anyone who hasn't traveled to Japan, it's really far away from everything. It is difficult to feel normal and sleep properly, without competing in a sport, so maybe you can imagine what it's like with a sport. Honestly, I'm still not recovered from the trip to Japan. I was able to debut the new free program. The audience was very kind, as they always are in Japan, and they helped me get through the performance. I was not happy with the way I skated, but I skated and did my best and that's all I could have asked for. I was in Tokyo for such a short time that there isn't much else to talk about besides the program and jet-lag. The best thing about the trip was seeing Tatyana and Irina, and the ladies were awesome! I also got Level 3 on all step sequences and spins, and for sort of stumbling through the program, it was nice.
I got home from Japan on a Sunday night and left for Saint Paul on Thursday. I almost missed my flight but somehow made it okay. I had a photo shoot with the lovely and talented Kathleen Bangs on Friday afternoon, and a practice. Tatiana, Priscilla and Sergei were all there to support me and coach me, so that was nice to have everyone together again. It was also a good opportunity to size up my American rivals. I think if I can start landing my jumps again I'll be fine. I competed on Saturday and it actually went worse than in Tokyo. I only landed four triples, and had low levels on spins and steps. I did two single axels, and triple axel is usually one of my best jumps. I was so angry after I skated that I don't remember what place I got, what my total was, or who beat me. I was so unhappy at that moment. I don't remember when I've been skating so poorly, but hopefully I have it in me to turn that around. I kind of wish I could go back and skate better and make that $50,000, but on the other hand it's important that I learn from mistakes I've made and maybe next time it will be my turn to skate well. One funny thing happened, I had to draw for Sasha and I drew first for her. I knew as soon as I stuck my hand in the bag I would draw one, and I did. I felt so bad, but she still rocked the house.
This is kind of a sullen and sad journal entry, but things aren't too peachy in my skating life right now. Due to all the changes in the programs as soon as I arrived home I don't feel like I've had any down time. I am constantly thinking about how to score points and what's the most practical way to win. I was afraid of this happening last season, and now it has. I have to make a comeback or this season won't be anything to be happy about. I need to stop thinking and start feeling my skating again. In my performances it was very evident to me that I didn't have any emotion, feeling, choreography, beauty or strength. I was a robot trying to score points. It's difficult not to pay attention to those things when that's all anyone else can focus on, but I think I can change my ways. It is such an incredible turn off to skate poorly, but I know I can turn it around. Have faith in me everyone. My program will be something to be proud of, I can almost guarantee it.
I hope everyone is enjoying their autumns, and school and work are fantastic. Be good and have fun.
-J
